Shiny, like ivy

A few months ago I sent a mass email. I'm sure most of you just deleted it. I understand. One can only tolerate so many forwarded emails in a week. For those of you who responded to the "One Word" email, thank you.
For those of you who deleted it, well...thanks for nothing, jerks!
Anyway, the premise of the email is to send it to anyone and everyone who knows you. They are in return to describe you in just one word.
Here are some of the responses I got:
Exquisite
Ambitious
Loving
Endearing
Brave
Loyal
Purple (Yeah...still trying top figure that one out. They gave no explanation.)
But my favorite by far was sent to me by my good friend, Laura Dent.
She said the first thing that came to her mind when thinking of me was the word "ivy."
Leave it to Laura to think outside the box. This has to be one of the coolest compliments I have ever received in my entire life.
To quote my dear friend, Laura- this is what she wrote.

"I was thinking I would be able to think of some great one word to describe you instead of the bizarre one that I thought of that doesn't make any sense. It doesn't describe you or anyone but it popped into my mind immediately. I thought of something green and fresh and cool and nice that is always growing. OK are you ready. This is sort of embarrassing but I really think highly of you and trust you a lot so I am going to let you see how my strange mind works and how dumb I can be. Ivy. Maybe in another life it was your name.It has something to do with your shiny hair. Well I am sure you won't be asking me anymore questions like that."

If this is dumb, I want to be it.
I know I really sound full of myself about now, but believe me this is a huge jump from the way I have been feeling about me for the last few days.
You see this could not have come at a better time- 2 months after I had originally sent it.
It really got me thinking.
I want to be more like Ivy.
I remember my mom always telling me that ivy attracted rats and spiders. Well I can definitely say I have attracted some from rat family and also some blood suckers in my day. Maybe I'm already more like ivy than I think I am. But while remembering why ivy was bad I overlooked an important fact about why ivy is good.
Ivy provides shelter. I can't imagine something beautiful, green and alive that provides refuge to be a bad thing. I hope I can offer some protection to some- and not in the Don Corleone type of way.
Another interesting (or boring-depending who is reading) thing about ivy is the fact that it produces fruit; small black berries that are poisonous to man but supplemental to birds and such. Anything that produces fruit is good, no?
poisonous to man? Hmmmm....I was once told "You killed me emotionally." Kinda the same, right? Uhhhhh...other than that ivy is pretty damn cool.
It is lush and thick, green and gorgeous. It grows, climbs and reaches far beyond the containment of anyone or anything. Its tedrils will wrap and twist and stretch, always wanting and needing more room to grow. It simply will consume anything that will not grow with it, by reaching past that which stands still. It's yellowy sharp tips accentuate any dewy morning or run-down home. It makes things better. I want to be better, do better.

I always feel a little reflective at the end of every year. I always try to remember where I was at the start of the year as opposed to where I am now. And as much as I can list where I've been what I have seen and what I have learned I find I am extremely hard on myself. That saying about us being our own worst critics is really true. It's hard to pick yourself up when you are constantly compared to or reminded of who you aren't, what you did or didn't do, what you said or what you didn't say, where you are as opposed to where you should be.
This simple email really put my past year in perspective.
Just like ivy, I have a lot of potential.
And that is how I am going to end 2005.
To all of you who have supported me and indulged my neurosis, I love you the most.
Mom and Pop, Sylvia, CN, Shelby and Russ, Jenny, Brandi, Valerie, Momma Pat, Karla, Laura and Grant, E2x and J. Bob Dylan,
you made this last year wonderful, beautiful, laughable and bearable with your honesty, insight, integrity and lyrics.
I wish you all the best in 2006.
Happy New Year

xoxoxo
A.

My Real Xmas List (uncensored)

In no particular order...

1.) A separate lane on freeways for the elderly, those who don't speak English, and anyone under the age of 23.
2.) Clients who bathe regularly.
3.) An email turn-around within 48 hours or less.
4.) The will to get up and run my jiggly ass around the block at 5am. (not happening)
5.) More poetry, less banter-in life that is.
6.) A glitch in the Matrix that would wipe-out the TRW headquarters.
7.) Less work, more money- a little more. I'm not greedy
8.) French Toast at 3 am once and while.
9.) A week to read "One Hundred years of Solitude" in it's entirety.
10.) 10 hours of undisturbed sleep- without feeling guilty when I wake up.
11.) An empty beach during a sunset or sunrise.
12.) Perfect apples right out of the fridge.
13.) Success, love, and happiness for all those who mean anything to me.
14.) The ability to make more decisions based on common sense and less on emotion.
15.)Highlighted hair that doesn't need to be touched up every 5 weeks.
16.) More laughing- definitely.
17.) Great wine in great quantities that does not leave my head pounding.
18.) A boss who knows how to run a business, how to keep his dick in his pants, his lewd opinions to himself and knows how to compensate his employees- properly.
19.) More patience.
20.) More time. More time. More time.

Hope everyone what gets what they want, too. Have a wonderful Xmas.
Love,
A.

reason no. 3,825

Running into clients on the street is a lot like running into ex boyfriends.
It's either
A.) Awkward, and we stumble through conversation.
Or
B.) The client is shocked at what I look like outside of work and seems almost surprised that I actually have a life outside the office- just like when you run into an ex and they can't believe how good you look.
This is a small world we live in and I am constantly running into clients- old and new, on the street all the time. I can never understand why these people become complete assholes when fully clothed. I'm starting to get the impression that this is truly who they are in their everyday lives.
Ironic. These people act more naked when I see them in clothes than they do when they are actually nude.
The other day while enjoying my coffee and Xmas shopping, I ran into Tim.
Just like in the movies, we ran our carts right into each other at Target. I was polite- I say hello to everyone- but then he just got all weird.
"Hey, you."
"Oh...hey, A. So...uh...how's it going?"
"The usual, you know just Xmas shopping."
"Oh. I'm here with my wife."
That's nice. I think?
"Oh, nice. Where is she?"
It is at this moment his wife comes to his side holding dog food and fabric softener.
"Uh... Cheryl, this is A. I know her from the the the...Chiropractor."
We shake hands and I introduce myself. She seems cool but puzzled by her husband's sudden inability to act like an articulate human being.
At this point he is actually flustered. He is blushing. He is rubbing the back of his neck. He is making mindless small inconsistent chit-chat as his wife starts to eyeball me.
Suddenly her suspicions get the best of her and she says,
"So you're the reason why my husband spends so much time at the doctor. Wow, Tim. You didn't tell me your massage therapist was so pretty."
Ok, so now I'm uncomfortable. At this point I feel there is nothing I can say to sway her suspicious mind because good ol' Tim has already convinced his darling wife that there is something going on between us.
I begin to grasp for straws...
"I was just Xmas shopping for my husband..."
Stupid Tim replies, "You're married? You never told me."
Jesus. For the love of God, please shut-up. Why am I feeling guilty for doing nothing!!!! DICKHEAD!!!!
"Yes I am."
Of course I'm not, but instead of letting him sink I'm actually trying to fix what he is royally fucking up.
So incredibly stupid.
I guess people think I'm going to start shouting-out all the things they tell me in confidence.
This situation seems ridiculous but it happens all the time.
Sometimes people can't believe I actually have a face, because when they see me they act like they have never seen it before.
"You look really different. No, REALLY different!"
They truly can't believe I shop or drive or live- at all.
Sometimes they just ignore me. I know they recognize me, but they literally walk in the other direction. We'll make eye contact I'll start to wave and then suddenly I have to act like I'm waving to the invisible man standing behind their back. Assholes.
I don't get it.
Can't anyone just be polite? I promise we don't have to talk about your yeast infection of your husband's flatulence in public. Where is the trust and love you had for me when the lights are low and I worked on that knot behind your shoulder?
Just leave your money on the dresser and be on your way.
It's funny how hard massage therapists will work at proving we are not whores when we just end up getting treated like one anyway.
According to my trusty National Board of Massage Therapy handbook, I am actually supposed to ignore these people as well. It's "unethical" to approach clients outside the office.
For working so intimately close to people, it's so impersonal.

I don't know guys...All I can think of are reasons to leave this profession.

Is it Xmas yet?

A.