reason no. 3,825

Running into clients on the street is a lot like running into ex boyfriends.
It's either
A.) Awkward, and we stumble through conversation.
Or
B.) The client is shocked at what I look like outside of work and seems almost surprised that I actually have a life outside the office- just like when you run into an ex and they can't believe how good you look.
This is a small world we live in and I am constantly running into clients- old and new, on the street all the time. I can never understand why these people become complete assholes when fully clothed. I'm starting to get the impression that this is truly who they are in their everyday lives.
Ironic. These people act more naked when I see them in clothes than they do when they are actually nude.
The other day while enjoying my coffee and Xmas shopping, I ran into Tim.
Just like in the movies, we ran our carts right into each other at Target. I was polite- I say hello to everyone- but then he just got all weird.
"Hey, you."
"Oh...hey, A. So...uh...how's it going?"
"The usual, you know just Xmas shopping."
"Oh. I'm here with my wife."
That's nice. I think?
"Oh, nice. Where is she?"
It is at this moment his wife comes to his side holding dog food and fabric softener.
"Uh... Cheryl, this is A. I know her from the the the...Chiropractor."
We shake hands and I introduce myself. She seems cool but puzzled by her husband's sudden inability to act like an articulate human being.
At this point he is actually flustered. He is blushing. He is rubbing the back of his neck. He is making mindless small inconsistent chit-chat as his wife starts to eyeball me.
Suddenly her suspicions get the best of her and she says,
"So you're the reason why my husband spends so much time at the doctor. Wow, Tim. You didn't tell me your massage therapist was so pretty."
Ok, so now I'm uncomfortable. At this point I feel there is nothing I can say to sway her suspicious mind because good ol' Tim has already convinced his darling wife that there is something going on between us.
I begin to grasp for straws...
"I was just Xmas shopping for my husband..."
Stupid Tim replies, "You're married? You never told me."
Jesus. For the love of God, please shut-up. Why am I feeling guilty for doing nothing!!!! DICKHEAD!!!!
"Yes I am."
Of course I'm not, but instead of letting him sink I'm actually trying to fix what he is royally fucking up.
So incredibly stupid.
I guess people think I'm going to start shouting-out all the things they tell me in confidence.
This situation seems ridiculous but it happens all the time.
Sometimes people can't believe I actually have a face, because when they see me they act like they have never seen it before.
"You look really different. No, REALLY different!"
They truly can't believe I shop or drive or live- at all.
Sometimes they just ignore me. I know they recognize me, but they literally walk in the other direction. We'll make eye contact I'll start to wave and then suddenly I have to act like I'm waving to the invisible man standing behind their back. Assholes.
I don't get it.
Can't anyone just be polite? I promise we don't have to talk about your yeast infection of your husband's flatulence in public. Where is the trust and love you had for me when the lights are low and I worked on that knot behind your shoulder?
Just leave your money on the dresser and be on your way.
It's funny how hard massage therapists will work at proving we are not whores when we just end up getting treated like one anyway.
According to my trusty National Board of Massage Therapy handbook, I am actually supposed to ignore these people as well. It's "unethical" to approach clients outside the office.
For working so intimately close to people, it's so impersonal.

I don't know guys...All I can think of are reasons to leave this profession.

Is it Xmas yet?

A.