The Ex Factor

Last weekend I saw a ghost.
Sunday, while walking into my local watering hole with my significant other, I saw my ex with HIS significant other.
It happened pretty fast, he saw me and looked the other way, I did the same.
My first thought was, "awwww man! why today? I just wanna watch the rest of the George Mason game and grab a bite to eat."
We walked in and to the back of the bar. The stand-off began.
Should I stay or should I go? I won this bar in the divorce, had I not?
It made for an uncomfortable situation.
Even though this guy is ancient history, even though I don't care for one second where he is, who he's with and what he's doing, it was still awkward.
I was instantly confronted with my past and where I have been. It seemed like ages ago. Another life, another time. Who was that girl then, and who am I now?
And then I had an epiphany: What type of ex girl friend am I?

I have decided- along with the advice of my trusty clientele, that ex girlfriends (and boyfriends) fall into certain categories.

What type of Ex Girlfriend are you? How do you see your Ex's?

I will love you forever- or until I find someone else
Long after you have broken-up, you still proclaim that he was the "the one."
You are mildly obsessed with what you were, what you had and what you did.
That is until the next sucker comes along, then it's, "what was his name again?" You are in love with the idea of being in love and will live this way for the rest of your life.

We didn't work out- you need to not exist
You are dead to me. I see no reason to be your friend, be friends with your friends, or even admit that I cared for you for one second. The idea of knowing I let you touch me makes me want to scrub my skin with steel wool. I hate you so much I might even pull some voodoo bad karma shit on you, because it would be so worth it. Stay away from my city, my state, my life. Oh and p.s. FUCK YOU!!!

What's wrong with still being friends? (a.k.a.- The Bad Penny)
You won't go away, you keep turning up. Months, maybe even years after the initial break-up, you can't let go. In fact you have convinced your ex that you and he can still be friends because after all, you do have some history and care for each other. You email just say hello. You'll think of something funny that happened to you or a link he might enjoy, and straight to the laptop you go. You contact him at inappropriate times just to say " wanted to wish you a Happy Valentine's Day. Remember that time you and me were such and such..." all this despite the fact he has moved on, but you haven't. You'll even make it a point to share the same interests as he, just so you still have that something in common. You have mutual friends. Bing! Another reason to stay in touch. There's just one problem: you are completely guilty of ulterior motives. Innocent? I doubt it. Waiting like a spider you are. He just might need me.... eventually.

We are better at sex, not relationships
It's over. Oh well. At least there's still sex. After all, it's the only thing we did right. Why screw that up?
So let's just agree to occasionally have sex during the week, but keep the weekends open for "real" dating.
This can go on for months or years depending on how long the two of you stay single.

We're cool
You were together and now you're not. But everything is peachy. You have someone, he has someone. You can co-exist in the same places, be casual and polite without having to to hide under the table. You can introduce each other as friends and be sincere. There are no ulterior motives. You didn't work out for a reason and you are genuinely happy to have moved on.

Crazy says, what?
He thinks you're crazy? Hell, you'll show him crazy. You make a complete ass of yourself every time you see him. You'll cry, or talk shit as loud as you can, making a scene for the whole world to see you. This usually involves alcohol and the friends he hated anyway- which by the way, even they are annoyed by you. Despite the fact you do this, you make it a point to stalk him at every corner and every turn. These places include his bar, his house, his hang-outs. You track him down just so he can see how totally insane you are. Admit it, you live for this.
I have to go now, he's leaving for work in 10 minutes.

The Invisible Woman
You avoid him like the plague. You have fallen off the face of the earth. There is not a sign of trace of you. You forfeited all your places and even your city just to avoid him. It's almost like you were never there. In the rare case you do see him, into a hedge or a public bathroom you will hide, texting your best friends to come and check it out, just to make sure the coast is clear.


So, this is an ongoing list.
Feel free to contribute, because everyone is an ex something. I'm not quite sure where I fall into all this. Some happy medium between wishing you were dead and being somewhat cool?

In the end, we stayed for the remaining 15 minutes of the game, and then walked right out the front door. He didn't look at me, I didn't look at him.
Who cares? It doesn't even matter anymore. Who was between him and now? A whole other life and a history
and a future.
When you look at someone and feel absolutely nothing for a person despite the fact you shared years together, you realize just how far you've come. Or maybe even acknowledge the fact that maybe he didn't mean as much to you as you thought.
Not a big fan of Ex's, at all.
But I can share a city with him... I guess.