Shiny, like ivy

A few months ago I sent a mass email. I'm sure most of you just deleted it. I understand. One can only tolerate so many forwarded emails in a week. For those of you who responded to the "One Word" email, thank you.
For those of you who deleted it, well...thanks for nothing, jerks!
Anyway, the premise of the email is to send it to anyone and everyone who knows you. They are in return to describe you in just one word.
Here are some of the responses I got:
Exquisite
Ambitious
Loving
Endearing
Brave
Loyal
Purple (Yeah...still trying top figure that one out. They gave no explanation.)
But my favorite by far was sent to me by my good friend, Laura Dent.
She said the first thing that came to her mind when thinking of me was the word "ivy."
Leave it to Laura to think outside the box. This has to be one of the coolest compliments I have ever received in my entire life.
To quote my dear friend, Laura- this is what she wrote.

"I was thinking I would be able to think of some great one word to describe you instead of the bizarre one that I thought of that doesn't make any sense. It doesn't describe you or anyone but it popped into my mind immediately. I thought of something green and fresh and cool and nice that is always growing. OK are you ready. This is sort of embarrassing but I really think highly of you and trust you a lot so I am going to let you see how my strange mind works and how dumb I can be. Ivy. Maybe in another life it was your name.It has something to do with your shiny hair. Well I am sure you won't be asking me anymore questions like that."

If this is dumb, I want to be it.
I know I really sound full of myself about now, but believe me this is a huge jump from the way I have been feeling about me for the last few days.
You see this could not have come at a better time- 2 months after I had originally sent it.
It really got me thinking.
I want to be more like Ivy.
I remember my mom always telling me that ivy attracted rats and spiders. Well I can definitely say I have attracted some from rat family and also some blood suckers in my day. Maybe I'm already more like ivy than I think I am. But while remembering why ivy was bad I overlooked an important fact about why ivy is good.
Ivy provides shelter. I can't imagine something beautiful, green and alive that provides refuge to be a bad thing. I hope I can offer some protection to some- and not in the Don Corleone type of way.
Another interesting (or boring-depending who is reading) thing about ivy is the fact that it produces fruit; small black berries that are poisonous to man but supplemental to birds and such. Anything that produces fruit is good, no?
poisonous to man? Hmmmm....I was once told "You killed me emotionally." Kinda the same, right? Uhhhhh...other than that ivy is pretty damn cool.
It is lush and thick, green and gorgeous. It grows, climbs and reaches far beyond the containment of anyone or anything. Its tedrils will wrap and twist and stretch, always wanting and needing more room to grow. It simply will consume anything that will not grow with it, by reaching past that which stands still. It's yellowy sharp tips accentuate any dewy morning or run-down home. It makes things better. I want to be better, do better.

I always feel a little reflective at the end of every year. I always try to remember where I was at the start of the year as opposed to where I am now. And as much as I can list where I've been what I have seen and what I have learned I find I am extremely hard on myself. That saying about us being our own worst critics is really true. It's hard to pick yourself up when you are constantly compared to or reminded of who you aren't, what you did or didn't do, what you said or what you didn't say, where you are as opposed to where you should be.
This simple email really put my past year in perspective.
Just like ivy, I have a lot of potential.
And that is how I am going to end 2005.
To all of you who have supported me and indulged my neurosis, I love you the most.
Mom and Pop, Sylvia, CN, Shelby and Russ, Jenny, Brandi, Valerie, Momma Pat, Karla, Laura and Grant, E2x and J. Bob Dylan,
you made this last year wonderful, beautiful, laughable and bearable with your honesty, insight, integrity and lyrics.
I wish you all the best in 2006.
Happy New Year

xoxoxo
A.