Bummed

After a long day of rubbing strangers and acquaintances, I sit in traffic for an hour only to drive 14 miles.
As I pull onto my exit, I notice at the stop sign there is a homeless guy (let's just assume he is homeless) begging for money on the corner.
I immediatley start thinking that I have absolutely no change in the cup holders and no dollars at all in my wallet. Yep, I'm one of those people who give spare change now and again.
I know what you're thinking, those people are total frauds, right?
This maybe true, but call it goodwill or afraid of her my own Karma, maybe superstition or even stupidity- every now and then if I have it, I will give it. To me I hope that for every 10 bucks I waste, maybe 1 dollar of that will actually go to someone who actually needs it. You never know...as my mom would say.
So as I am taking inventory of the change I don't have, I notice this guy is walking up to car windows and pointing at the palm of his hand.
Kind of rude.
I mean, where's the cardboard sign? And by the way have you ever wondered where the homeless and less fortunate get that nice black sharpie pen to write on the cardboard signs? Just wondering., but I digress.
Anyway, this guy is moving from innocent car to innocent car walking up to windows and pointing at his hand, and one after another, people are giving him change- he's not even saying thank you and I know this because I am watching.
He eventually comes to my passenger side window as my car inches off the exit and waits to make the right.
He looks right at me and sticks his right palm out and points to it with his left hand, he nodds his head foward as if to say "what's up?"
I shrug my shoulders and mouth, "sorry."
This guy,
this guy who is looking for people to pay charity to his less fortune or feed his alcoholism or addiction or laziness...
he looks at me and then runs his index finger across his throat in a swift slicing motion. You know that action you make like your slicing someone's throat with your finger- like they are gonna die or something? He did this to me!
He then made this chopping motion to the back of his neck, and then pointed at me like I was going to die or he hoped I would die!
Appalled. My mouth hit the floor. I gave this guy the finger and pulled off the freeway. I was fuming!!! Furious. A number of things went through my head.
I passed a 7-11 and actually considered getting out of my warm car and buying the biggest bottle of Snapple they had, then getting back on the freeway just so I could pull off the exit again and throw it at this guy with all my might. Then I started thinking of what I had in my car that I could launch out my window. Hmmm, cds? Empty water bottles? A small wooden box that holds aromatherapy drops? Too heavy.
Maybe I could stop and get some change (like 2 bucks in pennies and throw a handfull of change at his face.
Ever been hit buy coins? It hurts, bad.
A million things went through my head- all violent things I could do swiftly and with conviction!
Maybe it's not a big deal. Maybe I was getting way too worked up over the situation, but this is exactly the kind of thing that makes people NOT want to give to those who really need it.
I can't believe I actually felt bad for one split second for not having change. Bamboozled! Damn!!
Here's a tip buddy: Get a freakin' sign or a paper cup! Make an effort! Something! As rude and self centered as Californians are, we will usually give when asked or our sympathy gets the best of us.
Yeah, and maybe it's not a good idea to wish death on those who don't give.
FUCKER!!!
Where is a sock full of quarters whenyou need it? This guy is just lucky that I wasn't with other company. Some of the people I know are quicker on the draw then I am and would have happily launched their fist or even their spit at this guy had they'd been sitting in the passenger seat.
What is this, New York?

I used to be such a nice qirl.
What the Hell happened to me?