Ask

You'd be surprised at all the conversation that goes on in a massage room. I find although people are rather curious and inquisitive, they can be total idiots.

Here are the lovely and original things I get asked all the time.
How do you massage fat people? Don't you find this job gross? How much do you make?
Do you date your clients? Do your hands ever hurt? What do you do when a client gets a hard-on? Do you massage stomachs? Should I get undressed? Do you work on hott guys/girls? Do you ever like, uh ..ya know...like get turned-on by your clients? What are you thinking when you are working on someone? What does this massage include? Can you massage my ass? Can you massage my upper leg...no higher, higher...higher? Is your boyfriend jealous? Do you massage all your girlfriends?-notice I said girlfriends. Is it okay if I didn't shower today? Can you fix my cellulite? Can you NOT talk? Can I show you something? Is it okay if I don't use the sheet to cover me? Can you pop my pimples? Do you mind if I talk on my cell phone? Are you Vietnamese? Is this going to hurt? Do I get a full hour? I don't have to tip you, right? Will you marry me?

Okay. I am going to answer all these questions for you for the final fucking time.
I massage fat people the same way I massage idiots, idiot! My job is only gross when people show lack of good hygiene, so brush your teeth and take a shower-regularly! I make more than some people with a college degree. But, it's none of your damn business. No, I don't make it habit of dating my clients-I know too much about you all. My hands tend to hurt, especially after you demand that I break you in half with my bare hands. Of course they hurt, but sometimes they don't. When a client gets a hard-on...big fucking deal. It happens. Massage feels good. If you are asking me if I saddle up, I can assure you I don't. I usually just ignore it. I don't massage stomachs on men; this is a nice way of asking if I give hand-jobs. Nice try though. You should probably get undressed since you are here for a massage- unless you want me to rub oil on your clothes. I work on men and women, some are attractive some are not, but a body is a body is a body is a body. It's like working at a bank- after a while the money you touch just becomes paper. It's never okay to not shower, especially if you're coming to see me. Didn't I already cover this? I cannot fix your cellulite. But someone like you who weighs 123 lbs has nothing to worry about, dear. I won't talk at all- unless you talk first. So shut the Hell up and relax, jerk. You can show me pretty much anything, but don't surprised if I'm not shocked or stunned. I've seen it ALL. By the time you are asking me if you can show me something, you are already showing me. Fun. You have to use the sheet to cover you. Why? Because I said so. I don't need to see you naked. I respect your modesty (if you have any) please respect mine. No, I will not pop your pimples, you gross inconsiderate pig. Will you wipe my ass? This massage includes your neck, shoulders, arms, legs (both sides) and your back. And that is all. I will massage your ass because it is an extension of your leg but I will call it your glutes and probably do it over the sheets. But I ain't doing your groin! So stop asking. My boyfriend, jealous? Of what? Your slimy comments? No, I can assure you he is not. I do massage my girlfriends, right after we wash my car in wet teeshirts and before the pillow fight. You can talk on your cell phone, but why would you? Go ahead, eat-up your own massage that YOU paid for. My time is my time and the meter is running. I am not Vietnamese but I can see how you can mistake me for one. It must be my 5'9 height and red streaky hair. It might hurt, but you should say when it does. I don't make it a business of hurting people. But I could probably make more money if I did. You get as close to an hour as you'll allow yourself. Don't be late. You don't have to tip me, but you should. It's good karma. And then I won't be forced to trash-talk you all day. I will not marry you, sorry.
Hope this clears it up.


Have a good day everyone.