thanks for all the giving

I am thankful for the word fuck, I use it a lot and it seems to sum up things nicely. Whoever invented that word is a genius. I am thankful for all those who ever betrayed my trust. Thanks to you I now know the difference between being suspicious and just being smart. I am thankful for Nachos at 11:23pm- red wine is good too. Bless those grape Gods. I'm thankful for my mom and pop, I wasn't perfect as a child and they bought the 'sweet act' every single time, or at least acted they did. I am thankful for my shitty bosses, you make me want to be someone or something else. I am thankful for oatmeal; it tastes good and lowers my cholesterol. I am thankful for my few good friends. You have all taught me how to laugh and cry, laugh while I'm crying, love a man, love myself, make myself look thinner, let things go, laugh after a bad fall, eat Indian food, put up with shit, swallow my pride, surf, enjoy, crawl, make a fool of myself, forgive, understand, try and strive and many many things I can never repay you for. I am
thankful for the ocean and it's tide. I made a pretty big decision last weekend, and I did it while walking on a beach. I am thankful for the snooze button and the last two minutes of every morning before the bed becomes empty and sheets turn cold. I am thankful for all my ex boyfriends who came into my life but left abruptly; you all did me the biggest favor you could ever imagine- but most of you are still dicks. I'm thankful for Santa Ana winds that blow the comb out of my hair and on to the asphalt when I walk to my car. I am thankful for an open freeway(when I can find one) that lets me drive fast and sing loud. I am thankful for learning the difference between wanting and needing-it's a harder lesson than I ever imagined. I am thankful that I can still be surprised from time to time- I was beginning to think I couldn't. I am thankful for a sister who suddenly became an optimist. You inspire me daily. I am also thankful for the man who loves her as much as I do.
I am thankful for my lisp; it is subtle at times but lazy and deliberate after a long day. I used to hate it, but now I see it as a trademark.
I am thankful for naps I can take in the middle of the day. And as much as I hate to be woken-up in the middle of the night, I am thankful for my two cats that prance on my face and bladder at 4am. I am thankful for my clients, good and bad. I have learned many lessons from most of them, even though some of them I'd rather forget. I am thankful I can get up everyday and go to a job and be able to perform that job and support myself.
But most of all
this year I am thankful for N.
You are more than a person, more than a man, more than body. You are miles of clean canvas, anticipating color, shape, emotion, words and movement. Thank you for now and all that is not written.

I'm looking forward to 4 blissful days-off in a row...
and stuffing my face and sleeping-in and doing nothing and everything.

Have a great holiday, everyone.

xoxoxo
A.